Why is it so hard to be kind to yourself? It’s easy to be kind to other people, to go that extra mile to help make their day better or to be of service in some small way. However, between the critical voice in our head, our impatience when we make mistakes, and just plain ignoring some of our very basic physical (get enough sleep lately?) and emotional needs, how often do we afford that kindness to ourselves?
It’s so easy to compare yourself to the person that seems to be doing it all, from making gourmet meals to cutting their family’s hair to learning a new language, all whilst balancing the stress of our day to day lives. We have to remember that most of us are trying to focus on the positive on social media so we are presenting things in a flattering light where we can. It doesn’t mean we’ve got it all together – and neither do the people we compare ourselves to!
Many of us have found our inner critical voice is getting much louder these days, fuelled by anxiety and our compulsion to keep up with what is happening. Ignoring that critical voice and being kind to yourself is hard. It is not, however, impossible. Here are some techniques I use to help me be kind to myself.
How To Be Kind To Yourself
Do One Thing at a Time
Human beings are physically incapable of doing more than one thing at a time properly – although goodness knows we try. Doing One Thing at a Time can make life so much better.
Hold the Same Standards For Yourself and For Others
Do you have the same expectations of yourself as you have of others? Or are your expectations for yourself much higher?
When I was a new mom, I expected nothing short of perfection in terms of how I looked after my son, kept our home and looked after my appearance. Yet I didn’t expect my friends’ houses to be spotless or for them to look like they had just been away to a spa. I know a woman with five children under the age of ten who berates herself for not being able to keep up with the housework! I sometimes struggle to keep up with the housework and there are only two of us now.
The other day, I really upset myself, comparing my progress to that of someone I follow on social media. It seemed to me they were accomplishing a lot more than I was, being more creative and managing to do more. Then I remembered my own advice, make a cup of tea and sat down to list the progress I had made. (I love a good Ta Da List!) We often accomplish so much more than we think we have – and slow progress is better than no progress any day!
Next time you find yourself being critical because you haven’t met your own very high standards, think about what you would say to a friend in a similar situation. It’s totally unfair to hold yourself to higher standards than those to which you hold others.
Be Kind To Yourself – Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes
When someone you love makes a mistake, it’s totally unacceptable to berate them for hours and remind them of it on and off for the next several years. Yet most of us do this to ourselves on a regular basis. We need to stop.
It’s easy to obsess about things we wish we had done differently but we have to allow ourselves the same grace we offer to others. Remind the critical voice in your head that you are human too. Forgiving ourselves is every bit as crucial to our spiritual health as forgiving others. If we don’t make mistakes, we don’t grow.
Take Time Out
It is incredibly important to take time out on a regular basis. I’ve shared painless ways to do this – ways that will actually enhance your productivity – in this post. Read a magazine, spend some time with a book, listen to a podcast or take a walk – whatever it takes to uplift you and make you feel whole. You are worth it.
It’s Important To Be Kind To Yourself
These are just baby steps but I encourage you to incorporate them in your daily life. Make the extra effort to be kind to yourself as well as to others. Especially now as we all face so much uncertainty and so many challenges, you’ll be amazed at the difference it can make to your life, your health and your success.
More Ideas To Help Make You Happier
New Year Aspirations – Resolutions That Work
The 20 Minute Time Management Solution
Comments & Reviews
This is a very timely reminder: I’m pretty sure my New Year’s Resolution this year was to be kind to myself. I do fine with remembering to eat (!!) and fortunately my husband is great at correcting me when I take the blame for minor things (like nothing in the house to make sandwiches with).
But I tend to expect a lot of myself – for example, I compare myself with authors who don’t have a day job, and wonder why I’m not publishing books as fast as they are.
And I’m definitely a hostage to my to-do lists. They’re a great tool, of course, and serve a useful purpose, but I could work on my “taking time out” skills, I’m sure.
Thank you, Pauline. Being kind to yourself is a great New Year’s Resolution. I must confess, I often take the blame for minor things and compare myself to others as well. I’m working on changing that!
Thank you for stopping by my blog! I’m so happy to have found yours! This post is something I should read everyday! Thank you for sharing such wonderful advice!
Thank you, Crissy 🙂
After stretching and having a glass of water in the morning, I will definitely be reading your article everyday, April!II need to print it and put it on my refrigerator. I always put the blame on myself a lot! Being kind to ourselves should be our objective! Thank you for sharing such a great post!
Thank you so much, Hadia! I’m so glad it resonated with you 🙂 It really is so important to be kind to ourselves.
April, I would have missed this and your Just As You Are post had you not mentioned them in today’s post. Both excellent and so important! Thank you.
Thank you so much, Jean! I’m so glad you enjoyed them both 🙂
This is so true, you have to take care of yourself because you’re the only you that you have.
Thank you so much, Dee. And I agree. That is a lovely way to put it 🙂
Very true! Perfectionism makes life so stressful. As you said, allow ourselves to be natural and to be kind to ourselves
Thank you, Pat!
Absolutely agree. This is one reason now I don’t check in to my social media account so much. I try to enjoy what I am doing instead of competing with others in my niche work. Thank you so much for writing this! Take care & stay safe!
What a lovely compliment, Elvira. Thank you so much! I am so happy this piece resonated with you and so grateful to you for letting me know. Take care and stay safe!
I recently read a piece of advice that stayed with me. When struggling with some short coming, ask your self what you would say to a good friend if they were presenting that same problem to you. Chances are you’d give lots of grace and hope to a friend…
That is very good advice indeed, Michele! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Wise words April – thank you for them as when we are kind to ourselves and kind to others the ripple effect is fabulous energy – a smile and respect go so far in life!
Thank you so much, Debbie!
April, we all need to be reminded of this OFTEN. It is so easy to be critical of ourselves and when we listen to the voices in our head sometimes we let others treat us badly as well.
Thank you for sharing! Have a wonderful week April.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth! I’m so glad the post resonated with you 🙂 Hope your week is wonderful too.