Being a housewife in the 21st century puts you in a controversial position. Many people believe housewives and stay at home mums are nurturing their families, making homes and building up society. Others are convinced they are old fashioned and outdated, responsible for thwarting the efforts of women who work outside the home and insulting the memory of those who worked so hard to obtain equal rights for women.
What does it really mean – being a housewife in the 21st century? I wrote as The 21st Century Housewife for nearly two decades before I rebranded and began to write under my own name, and considered myself a housewife for most of those years. Today I rarely refer to myself in that way, however I still run and look after our home, even now we have an empty nest. I may not call myself a housewife, but I am a reliable source of information about this traditional role.
There Are No Typical Housewives or Stay at Home Moms
There are no ‘typical’ housewives or stay at home moms anymore. Everyone is different, with different lifestyles and circumstances. Some have left well-paying jobs to take on their role as housewives, others run businesses from home, work part-time or are entrepreneurs. Regardless, most housewives and stay at home moms today are well-educated, well-informed, politically active, contributing members of our communities who are just as comfortable discussing politics and socio-economic policy as anything else.
Some housewives and stay at home moms love what they do, others are doing it as a labour of love while they put their own dreams on hold to raise their families.
Most Housewives are Feminists
Most housewives are feminists. The feminists who deride them seem to have forgotten that the whole premise of feminism was a woman’s right to choose her own path, not dictate or restrict the choices we can make.
My Personal Experience
I used to consider myself a housewife, and on some levels I still do. That said, I am also a writer and entrepreneur who runs her own business. My husband and I look on our roles as a partnership, no one of us above the other. It has always been that way, even when my career consisted of devoting myself solely to the care of our son and our home. We each perform roles that enhance the other, but they sometimes overlap. For example, I may do most of the cooking, but my husband (who is an awesome cook, but rarely has time for it) will often clean up the kitchen after supper.
My husband and I support one another to achieve our personal and joint goals. Our finances are held jointly as well as individually, and we work on our budgets together. We both have access to all of our funds, and are completely transparent with each other, except perhaps when it comes to gifts for one another.
Yes, there were things I gave up over the years to be at home, and I have had to work harder to catch up on achieving some of my dreams. Equally, I am continually inspired and humbled by the way my husband puts my needs and the needs of our family above his own.
An Open-Minded View
There is no conclusive proof that children raised by stay at home moms are any happier or well adjusted than those raised by women who work outside the home – or vice versa. Most housewives do not think they are looking after their homes or our families better than anyone else. They respect every woman’s right to choose her career, be it outside the home or within it. Not every woman wants to be a housewife, nor should they be.
Not All Housewives Can Afford To Stay At Home
The decision to become a housewife or stay at home mom can have far reaching financial complications. Having only one income can mean spending years on a tight budget and struggling to make ends meet. While my husband and I now enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle, this was definitely the case for us for the first several years of our marriage.
It is important to remember that sometimes being a housewife is not a choice. I simply could not afford to go back to work when my son was born in 1993. My salary did not cover childcare and my transportation costs, meaning that most days I would have been paying to go to work. Although I thoroughly enjoyed being a housewife in the 21st century, it was more a sensible decision than a choice. There are plenty of women still in this kind of situation today.
Housewives Are Not All Kept Women
Many housewives and stay at home moms contribute to the family finances either through savings they have built up in earlier years or with our own businesses, often run from home. They also bring value to their homes by the tasks that we perform. Ever priced up hiring a nanny, personal assistant, housekeeper and accountant? All four are part of being a housewife today.
The ladies of leisure shown on certain ‘reality’ television programs? They are every housewife’s bête noir and about as far from reality as you can get.
Being A Housewife in the 21st century
Being a housewife in the 21st century is a profession in and of itself, a vocation and a labour of love. It’s a choice that deserves more than just a little respect.
Other Resources include Are You a Professional Housewife and The Tradwife Trend and Why It Is Concerning.
Comments & Reviews
The word which resonated with me most strongly here was “choice”. If someone makes an informed decision to live their life a certain way then I’m sad that others feel justified in weighing in to criticise. But I suppose, as a society, we unfortunately have thousands of years of history in thinking we know best for the choices made by others concerning politics, religion, and so on. Sorry that you have to deal with this, April.
Thank you, Pauline. I’m so glad the idea of ‘choice’ resonated with you as I really wanted to focus on that very thing. I agree, as a society we do have a long history of thinking we know best for others – you put that very well!
I am shocked people would say a stay home wife is not feminine I would think it be if she worked outside of the home she would be considered not feminine.
Well said. I worked part time when I was single, then a little bit during our marriage, but I prefer staying home full time. Some women assume I want all women to stay home and it is not the case!
Thank you so much 🙂 It sounds like we have a lot in common!
Hello mam
LOVE LOVE this! “the whole premise of feminism was a woman’s right to choose her own path.” AMEN to that! Seriously I hate that it feels like I have to defend my choice to stay home, shouldn’t it be celebrated as with true feminism I have a right to choose and that was my choice; and for those that choose to work, I am happy for them and even am amazed at by them at times for all they do. We are all awesome and do things differently but as long as we are trying our best and loving our kids then life is good! Thanks for linking up with the #bestoftheblogosphere
Thank you, Emmy! I like what you said too – “We are all awesome and do things differently but as long as we are trying our best and loving our kids then life is good!” That is SO true!!
So refreshing to read as a newly housewife myself and I love it! I was worried about others opinions now I am fine!
I am so glad that this resonated with you, and that it helped! Thank you so much for your kind comment.
I agree. Feminism brought us choices. Stay home, work, have children, don’t have children. We should support and cheer each other on in our various paths.
Here here!! I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much for your comment, Diana 🙂
April, I love your article! I was able to be a housewife when we were raising our four children, if we needed some extra money I found things I could do out of the home to earn money. Now that our children are grown I still enjoy being a housewife! I find I never have enough time to do all the things I want to! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
– Nancy
On The Home Front
Thank you, Nancy, I’m so glad my article resonated with you! I totally agree, there’s never enough time to do all the things I want to either!
People today can often be a bit too outspoken about things that are none of their business! I know women who are housewives and women who have careers outside the home. One of the housewives who comes to mind takes on so very much that she recently had a heart attack.
I totally agree, Jean 🙂 And oh my goodness, I hope the lady who had a heart attack is okay! It’s amazing how we women push ourselves these days – both those of us who are housewives and those who work outside the home. We are only human after all!
I’ve always worked outside the home, except for brief times of unemployment. My partner (male) has had longer times of unemployment and in recent years has been working from home. We feel it’s very obvious that SOMEBODY has to do the “homemaking” stuff; we can split it up and each be a part-time homemaker, but we can’t live comfortably without a homemaker. Although we have never chosen to arrange our family so that one of us is a full-time homemaker, that certainly seems like a valid way to do things.
You might enjoy reading about <a href="http://articles.earthlingshandbook.org/2011/10/09/my-grandmother-got-a-few-things-done/"what I finally realized about my grandmother's life. In my adult life I’ve been shaking off “feminist” assumptions that everything women traditionally did is degrading. I’m pleased to see some signs that our society is becoming more egalitarian via men spending more time and taking more interest in nurturing children and in cooking at home (not just in restaurants or backyard grills); I think that’s far overdue!
It is wonderful that society is becoming more egalitarian in that way – I think it benefits both men and women alike 🙂
Thanks for the great blog post April. I agree x 1000000!! If we could only add a few more hours to the day too, that would be nice lol!
Thank you so much, Amber 🙂 And I agree, I’d love a few more hours in the day!
I totally laughed at the “ladies of leisure!” It’s funny that so many say, “Since you don’t work, can you…”
That is so true, Jenny! I love how people say that and don’t even realise what it sounds like 🙂
Loved this! I’m currently working outside the home for the next few weeks at least, until I have my first child and go on maternity leave. Our goal as a family is for me to stay home with our children until they go to school, which will mean lots of financial sacrifices as well as criticism from all directions for “giving up” on my career. That’s why I loved your line, “the whole premise of feminism was a woman’s right to choose her own path.” Feminism doesn’t mean tearing down women who choose different paths. It means supporting and encouraging each other in a world with equal opportunities for all.
Thank you, Monica 🙂 You are so right, women do need to support and encourage one another! Wishing you all the best at this exciting time!
am a working woman. I am also a mother of two children. One just past the first decade of life, the other not halfway through. I am professionally qualified, am good at my work (if I may say so myself). I also have always wanted to work. As in be gainfully employed. As in earn in hard cash. As in be someone who can claim to have a direct financial contribution to the family. I have worked from before marriage, and have just continued doing so. Never thought seriously that I should not…. It helped that I have an understanding family. Ma in law who pitches in and hubby who does not mind the house going bonkers when my office workload hits the roof, which happens like every other day. I am not advocating that you should or should not work. Rather, am just putting in my two bit of wisdom.
The comparision between ladies of leisure and working woman applies starkly in two situations:
1. The working woman is a 9to 5er, who works at a lowly position to help in the finances, to ensure food on the table the next week, or, to ensure that kids can go to college.
2. The lady of leisure is a lady of leisure because she chooses to be one, i.e. she is amply provided financially, has no worries about the coffers of the house.
Most housewives,( and that is a misnomer, if any, which I too agree) complain that its unfair to say they dont work. They do. And I agree to it too. That they might not directly be paying bills, but are saving a lot of money in not making hubbies pay through the nose for them. But look at it from the other side of the spectrum. We as working women, do the household stuff and THEN go to office. At least those who are doing the job because they need th money. We get up early, pack the kids lunch boxes, our own, clean up the house, lock up and go to the office to work eight to ten, sometimes more, hours. We come back, do all that needs to be done (though laundry and dirty dishes are the last on the to do list) make kids study, listen to their worries, be nurse, psychologist, teacher cook maid etc etc. in this short time, and then get rest. We miss out on seeing the summer bloom, the winter frost, we miss out on most of the kids milestones, because we have to work. We feel envy when we see the lunch ladies, which admittedly they went after serious planning et all, but which we cant, because a half day leave that we would need from office for that lunch date, is so much better utilised in taking kids to the dentist.
So lady friends of mine, before you pat yourselves on the back saying the women who work are being sarcastic, please read this carefully:
1. We hate it when our housewife friends say “its so good that your kitchen work is over by 9 am, I have to slog over the stove till 2 in the afternoon”, after 9, we have to rush to the office to do something else, which you obviously dont do, for whatever reason.
2. It jars our brains when you pride over how you “clean your house from top to bottom every fortnight, my _____(put the name of your son / daughter / husband / dog) cannot tolerate dust”. Please, we dont have the luxury of allowing our son / daughter / husband / dog to be intolerant to dust.
Now tell me, who is being smug, intolerant and is backbiting. And last but not the least, since feminism is about choices, it should be both ways, we respect yours, you respect ours. And not just choices but everything, including our situations. It might be that if our situations are reversed, we might both be unable to cope.
Thank you for your comment but you have completely misread and misinterpreted my article. Every family makes tough choices and I am so sorry you feel so bitter. I am very sad that you have taken my article – which was meant to be supportive of both women who work outside the home and women who are housewives as well as to be a positive reinforcement of how women need to stick together and not criticise one another – and twisted it the way that you have. It sounds to me as if some of your “housewife friends” have not been as supportive as I would be and that makes me sad too. And I must stress again that I am not and never will be a “lady who lunches” – although when I do have the opportunity to go to lunch I am very grateful. I also want to point out that neither my husband nor my son are intolerant to dust and I would never, ever criticise another woman’s home or her life choices. I hope that you manage to find some happiness in the future – it sounds like you have had to work so hard that you have missed much joy.
Thanks April.
The bitterness in part may also come from envy on my side, since I do not consider myself to have had a very hard life anyway. God has been kind to me in myraid ways. It is also, in part because we belong to two very diverse regions, India, is not a very conducive place to have a career. But being a housewife is way easier since help is cheap here. So maybe I was bringing my regional experience, which you obviously would not be able to relate to.
Best of luck to you too.
Hi again April! Lately, I’ve been getting all sorts of comments from nosy people, asking me where I work, what I do. Then when I say I’m a housewife they spill all sorts of negative comments ad judgment. I am married to my husband, not them! Do you ever get those? If so, how do you react? I need some help!
Hi there! Yes, I’ve definitely had negative comments and they can be really hurtful. It’s often hard to know exactly what to say but I think the most important thing is not to take the nasty comments to heart. Having said that, I also think you should definitely calmly disagree with them. I’m just guessing at comments you may have had here but “I’m far too busy (or I simply don’t have time) to be bored / lazy / unfulfilled” has worked well for me in the past as has “Me being a housewife works extremely well for my husband and I.” If they have been very rude I would add “Your assessment of the situation is completely inaccurate and honestly, it’s none of your business.” I hope that helps. If you have some specific negative comments you are okay with sharing I’d be happy to try to help more specifically. If you prefer, you can email me at april@apriljharris.com. I hope this helps!
Thanks, it helps! I’ve been called “just a 50’s housewife waiting for her husband to come home”, which isn’t true, and just in general, many women just stare at me and say “you don’t work”, which is quite annoying!
Those are mean comments and very untrue as well! It sounds a bit like the commenters might be jealous, although I know that doesn’t help when people are hurtful! Maybe try “I’m far too busy to sit around waiting for anyone” or “Maybe you don’t work around your home but I sure do!” as responses. I’m really glad I could help a bit but I hope people will be kinder in future!
Thanks! Most commenters have been working women, although there has been men as well. I usually just listen and don’t have much of a clever response as I think about it later! I feel like I can’t even leave the house without someone questioning me.
I’m really glad I could help but I’m so sorry you feel that way. Honestly, no one should have to feel that folks are questioning them like that. I do hope some of my suggestions hope and it gets better. Take care x
Thank you for voicing something which a lot of people feel but struggle to express. 🙂
I’m so glad this post resonated with you, Faith. Thank you so much 🙂
wow. I have been reading some of your voices- amazing. Im 24 and married. We hope to start a family God willing when we get out house and have always believed in being a a mother and wife staying at home to provide and nurture my family. In the society we live in it can be disheartened but its for us to stay focus on what is really right and good for us and our family !
I’m so glad this post resonated with you, Yasmin. I hope that all your dreams of home and family will come true and that you enjoy being a housewife as much as I have 🙂
I really likes this 🙂 I’ve never worked other then cleaning for a family member and baby sitting, I’m homemaker I like it but I get board a lot, do you have tips for young homemaker?
Thank you, Mary. I’m really glad you enjoyed this post. I’m sorry you are feeling bored sometimes – I have very little time to pursue my hobbies these days as I am so very busy so I never feel bored. In fact, I am always wishing for some free time. However, when I was just starting out as a young homemaker, I looked for ways to expand what I was doing to help support my husband and the family. (Of course, you need to discuss with your husband the things that would be most helpful for you both.) So, for example, I began to look after the day to day finances, I managed our family social calendar etc. I also included activities like regular exercise and maintenance of myself as well as our house. Also, like anyone, homemakers need hobbies that they enjoy – perhaps you enjoy reading or sewing or some form of art? It’s important to keep learning as well, so I made sure to read widely about current events and other things that interested me as well as to visit places like art galleries and museums when I could. I hope this helps 🙂
Loved this post. I am a stay at home wife and it makes our lives so much easier…and more pleasant! I have dinner already done, most days, when my husband gets home from work which allows us to have a more relaxing evening. I do a ton of house work during the week so on the weekends we can go out and enjoy doing things instead of cleaning or running errands. I love being able to maintain the house while my husband works because then it gives us more “us”time! It is a little hard on me sometimes since the only money I bring in now is from the little bit I make on my blog. Thank you for sharing this article. I thought it was great!
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article, Breezy! I really appreciate your kind comment 🙂 I’m on my way over to visit your blog now!
I am a young girl of 17 and my lifelong dream is to be a good wife and mother. As you can imagine, however, I get teachers asking me why I am even bothering with University and all my girlfriends joke about how I’m a male supremacist. This is why I’ve been looking around for articles that showcase different experiences of women who have chosen this lifestyle and what I have noticed is a common trend: they are extremely happy! it fulfils them. That being said, I am obviously too young to know what my life will turn out to be, but thank you so much for this post! It really makes excellent points and gives me some ways to respond to anyone who criticises me or says that Mary Wollstonecraft is rolling around in her grave…
I’m so glad you liked the article, Mina, and I’m so glad it helps. It makes me sad that your teachers would ask why you are bothering with university. Whatever choices we make in our lives, it is important to take advantage of all the educational opportunities open to us, and to keep learning throughout our lives. Plus, you can definitely be a feminist whether you work outside the home or not. I’m really glad you have noticed a trend of many women being fulfilled by this lifestyle, that is very encouraging. You are right, you are very young and you have your whole life before you – but what you decide to do is up to you. I encourage you to definitely go to university and have lots of great experiences, choose to work at something you love, and the rest will follow. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I wish you all the very best!
thank you for this post. there’s so much i’ve bottled up inside of me because of the way people speak to me when they find out i’m a homemaker. i’m going to really try and not let those things get to me. thanks again 🙂
I am so glad the post resonated with you and helped! Thank you so much for letting me know 🙂 What you do is important and it does make a difference. I really appreciate your kind comment!
April, I love this! Sharing this on my Facebook page and Pinterest. 🙂 Thanks for summing up what it means to be a “casalinga” in the 21st century. 🙂 Love, Carmela
Thank you so much, Carmela, and a special thank you for sharing as well! Thank you also for teaching me the Italian word for housewife 🙂 I love languages, although I have yet to learn Italian! xx
I loved this article and it totally resonated with me. I have been a “stay at home mom” for the last 16 years and it is truly what I love to do. What a lot of people in my life don’t realize is in that time I have also held many many part-time/ work at home, side jobs that most people don’t “see”. It is so frustrating to have certain people look at you and give you that skeptical look when you say you are busy. I hate feeling like I have to justify my time and one of the most frustrating things is when people ask, “So, what do you do for a living?” The assumption that I am stupid or uninteresting is so galling. Anyways, thank you so much for summing up what being a housewife in the 21st century is like.
I’m so glad the post resonated with you, Samantha. I can absolutely identify with those looks certain people give us! I find it frustrating when I feel I have to justify my time as well. Thank you for your kind comment, I really appreciate it!
I’m a guy who ended up in a situation working part-time and taking care of an elderly woman and living in the same house that she wants to keep. Lots of elements there but the upshot is that I do ALL the work around the house. I see more-than-ever the huge and increasing possibilities for a revolution in woman-driven housekeeping and care-giving not just for children but for seniors in the family. It’s really quite incredible. Just a few examples….
1. Kitchen work– I’ve installed lots of extra shelving and table space in our kitchen so that not only do I start the day as a prep-cook but also start out looking at what supplements need to be updated and shopped for online or at the health food store. Nutrition is increasingly demanding– including extra supplements for chelation to keep the arteries clean and supplements to help bowel movement– all delivered in the preferred formats. It’s never ending.
2. Backyard work at the home– Again, endless possibilities… and for the so-called libertated lumber-jack woman wearing jeans and toolbelt, there’s lots of fences to fix, roofing to maintain… and water heaters to flush. Typically thought of as men’s jobs, todays all-around woman– if she wants to expand her idea of herself as supermom– could expand into those areas while the outside-contractor-husband can focus on his job outside the home.
3. Childhood education- I teach piano lessons, on the outside… and on the inside at home– and this area has not been fully tapped. Every child has to be custom-educated– once the general-outline is delivered. Every day I come up with a new idea for a lesson I want to try delivering in a new way. What woman-in-her-right-mind as a baby-maker-best-between-20-and-30 would WANT to “work-outside-the-home” when there is THIS much to do INSIDE the home?
4. As a guy, I wish I would have found a woman who sees the possibilities for stay-at-home-housewife like I do. Unfortunately, they all ended up wanting to compete-like-men-outside-the-home…. one worked overtime in computer conversion, another in accounting, another in real-estate. Women would do better– and I would venture to say MOST women– would do better by tending to their family-home-building-skills than their competitve-outside-world-skills… and then “sell” that ability to the “competitive outside man”.
I needed to read this today. Wondering if you still are a housewife in 2020?
I’m so glad it resonated with you, Trudy. Yes, I am still a housewife in 2020! I’ve been a housewife for nearly 30 years now 🙂 I did do some part time work in the early part of that time, and of course I have the blog and other projects, but I’ve always considered myself a housewife first. I think a lot of housewives have projects and businesses now too 🙂 It’s wonderful to have so many choices!
Beautiful I don’t want repeat every word that you said. I agree not because I am a Housewife, I agree because I was a single woman before, and now this experience has been the best rewarding and knowledgeable experience I ever have. Is not just about the sacrifice is about the time I have to slow down and see the world from a different perspective.
Well done your post live it
Mory .
Thank you, Mory!
Thank you April for your article. I found it because I did a Google search asking if it is okay to be a homemaker in America so I could see what was written about it. After sifting through the list of hits that all focused on the financial savings for families doing this, I found yours which is more encompassing instead of narrowing it to simply a financial decision.
Honestly the reason I did a search is because I have realized I have my own inner insecurities and feelings of inadequacies, and that this is what drives any sort of negative impact of misunderstanding comments from outsiders. I am looking honestly at myself and seeking inner peace.
My historically typical M.O. of calling myself a stay-at-home Mom doesn’t work anymore and hasn’t for some time because my daughter is a Senior. So I have been avoiding the transparent answer by pointing at some sort of short term circumstance impacting me at that particular time or saying something about not working right now followed by talking about jobs I have held in the past and that I will go back to that some time…which I don’t know if I actually will.
Anyway, I am doing some inner searching and your article will be part of that as I consider internally each aspect you’ve discussed as it pertains to how I view my own value. Once I have made peace with my own decision and my value as a person, I am fully confident that when the misunderstanding comments or barbs of outsiders are expressed I will be able to respond by graciously clarifying the reality and respectfully setting boundaries. I am looking forward to the journey toward inner freedom and external connections with people based on truth and respect.
Have a good day.
Thank you so much for commenting, Cheryl, and for sharing so honestly. It does become more challenging to define ourselves as our children grow older, and society’s notion of what we ‘should’ do is often not what we truly want for ourselves. It is so ironic that in the space of only a few generations we have gone from a situation where women who dared to work outside the home were criticised, to being criticised for deciding to become (and/or remain) a housewife. Whatever your decision or however you choose to describe what you decide to do, know that you are valued and important, and that you are doing what is best for yourself and your family. Blessings on your journey as you navigate this time in your life, and thank you again.
Hi Cheryl,
This portion of your comment really resonated with me: “Honestly the reason I did a search is because I have realized I have my own inner insecurities and feelings of inadequacies, and that this is what drives any sort of negative impact of misunderstanding comments from outsiders. I am looking honestly at myself and seeking inner peace.”
I feel similarly and I’m curious how far you are on your journey towards inner freedom, and what steps/strategies have helped you along the way. Thanks for your openness, and thanks to April for the original post that generated all these comments 🙂
Thank you, Abi.
I love love this article
But major concern of mine is I hope the husband does not make one feel inferior about this choice
Cause I genuinely feel being a housewife is not a bad thing at all .
Thank you so much, Maymunah. I agree, it is very important that the husband honours his wife’s choice and encourages her.
Fantastic idea ! I love how creative you are.
Lovely to read this 😊 I have 3 children and a dog (basically 4 children with the dog lol) and my husband works full-time. I have an auto immune disease that leaves me exausted most of the time so I’m a stay at home wife/mum, we would financialy be better off if I worked full time as well as my husband but I just don’t know how I could possibly fit it all in, these woman that work full time with a family as well I salute you because you must be super women and I wish I had your energy. I feel our lives would be pointless if I worked full time because there would be no one home to get anything done and no one to spend time with the children. I absolutely love being a mum and making my home feel like a home, my home is not perfect by any means but I do get fulfillment from doing my best. Yes we could do more expensive days out with the children and go out for meals but at what cost? I would be exausted beyond belief, grumpy and have zero quality time with my family. I don’t drive but my husband does and we always do something as a family together on a weekend, things that don’t cost the earth but create beautiful memories like visiting country parks, woodland walks and saving up little by little so we can have our summer holiday in the country that we all love so much in August. I also love and I mean love to read, sew, make homemade jams etc and try to fit one of these pleasurable things into my day because life is to short and we should all try to do things that make us happy. These little things that I love probably make me sound very old fashioned but I really do enjoy them and enjoy looking after my home and family. I really do feel judged so much by people when I say only my husband works because I feel that it’s expected of woman these days to work and bring up a family at the same time. X
It is so challenging living with an auto-immune or chronic disease, Deborah, however it sounds like you have created the perfect balance. I’m so very glad this article resonated with you. Your children will have such wonderful memories of their childhood, and I love that you find these wonderful home crafting pursuits so fulfilling. I confess, I am not very good at sewing, but I totally know what you mean about loving the old fashioned things.
I think a lot of people expect a lot of things these days, but many of them are misguided Try to ignore the people with too many opinions. We all have to do what works for us and I’m so glad you have found a way to make a lovely, happy home and family life. X
I just stumbled upon your post after deciding to fully embrace being a housewife/future sahm. After an early career in Corporate America and recently finishing graduate school, I realized that the most important thing to me is family, nurturing my home space, and living a life of individual and familial balance. Instead of worrying about societal pressures and external judgements, I courageously decided to pursue the path I truly desire. As a result, my husband and I are no longer “putting off” having children and I have never experienced more happiness and peace than I do now! Thank you for taking the time to encourage women to pursue their individual dreams! 🙂
Thank you for the lovely, positive feedback, Ashley. I am so pleased this piece resonated with you, as well as that you are embracing your dreams and finding happiness. Wishing you all the best.
I enjoyed the reading. You made very good points and answered questions I had. I’m a teacher and over the years have realized my purpose in my life is to nurture. The second part of my life maybe leading to becoming a housewife. Do you have a instagram or Facebook page and or a podcast? I’m looking for to reading your past articles and future readings!
Hi Sharniella,
I’m so glad this article resonated with you. I haven’t got a podcast yet, but you can follow my Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/The21stCenturyHousewife/ and I’m on Instagram @apriljharris
Thank you so much for your interest and positive feedback!
Warm regards,
April
Absolutely right!!! You couldn’t explain it any better!
Thank you so much, Anel!
agreed. almost all throughout my 20s I never even bothered attempting to assert myself as wanting to be a housewife, because it seemed at this point that all women are expected to work as much as a man. I was afraid of looking like a golddigger. but eventually I found someone at a time when I was more willing to take risks, and when I admitted what I want out of life, he offered exactly what I wanted. we faced a ton of pushback from his parents and their friends even though we got married. it was rough to handle. but it’s been a handful of years now and even if we still don’t have the support from them that we should, I no longer feel I must have it in order to be at peace.
I did feel as a young child that my mom going back to work would change things for the worse, and they really did. she wasn’t able to focus on us kids as much anymore and things went downhill. I’m so glad that despite women’s lib hypocrisy, I finally can make up for my own losses, and stay home to raise my own kids one day. in the meantime it’s really awesome to finally see that housewifery isn’t dead unless I want it to be.
Thank you, Alison.
I agree, we all have to find our own path. I am so glad you are following yours, despite pressure and pushback. It’s so important that everyone do what works for them, even if not everyone agrees.
Women’s liberation was originally all about women being able to choose what they wanted to do. Sadly, in some cases, that original idealism has been lost to pressure for all women to do the same thing. It’s so important we are able to choose to do what works for us and for our families, whether that’s to be a housewife, have a career or any combination of the two. I’m glad being a housewife works for you, as it has for me.
I’m so pleased the article resonated with you. Thank you again for commenting!
Best wishes!
just saw your reply, thanks April!! really appreciate your support!
after all this time, i do have new thoughts of what has gone wrong here with the true original intent of feminism… ill explain…
i think the ultimate goal of original “feminism” is a lie. they made it LOOK like an equal-rights venture, when in reality, it was just one of the first steps in breaking down the strength of a traditional family, across the globe as much as possible. they originally said it was about equality. but just like abortion, where they first said it is to be “safe, legal, and rare,” its turned into “ANY TIME ANY REASON,” just like women’s supposed-lib, where “…NO, YOU HAVE TO WORK NOW.” the original intent was a lie in the first place, in my mind. at some point, the real intents have come to the fore, and what was originally called a way to make things more equal, truly were not in our best interest in the first place.
i have also since looked into women’s suffrage- had had no idea many women either didnt care about suffrage, or were even AGAINST it. but “history” has us now believing that all women wanted it, since we werent there to see it, its so far back, and are bombarded with modern material to make us believe a lie.
i used to say what weve been saying here- that the original intent of feminism was lost along the way. but i no longer believe that; our rights were being stolen from the beginning, and even earlier, than so-called “feminism.” dont know what you think of that.
i recently had a baby and am STILL being looked down upon for not rushing to end breastfeeding and get a job. but still i no longer depend on their attitudes. i chose to have my baby at home with just my husband… almost died, still dont really know what went wrong… hospitals dont care to find out, cause they just want you to submit to them, and mistreat you if you dont… and instead of celebrating that i had the guts to do that, so-called feminists (family) are really upset that i took that route. asking me to go back to those who influenced me and tell them it was a bad idea. lol, women’s choice, huh? thanks for reading and no pressure to give me a lot of attention, really appreciate you getting back to me in the first place. this is a good place to share my mind.
i am stronger in my ideals than ever, now that i faced so much scrutiny for my birth choice (from people who support ABORTION, 100%! its fine to kill your baby but not to BIRTH it the way you want to), and lived to tell the tale. i care even less what narrow-minded people think of me now. hope youve been doing well; glad to see you still have your site up for everyone to see. youre a radical in this narrow, stinking world.
Well spoken. Love your choice of words, Brilliant in so many ways.
I’m 24, pregnant with my second child, the firstborn is 3. Though the idea of being a housewife/homemaker/stay-at-home mom was never even something that crossed my mind before I got pregnant with my first child, it’s now something I enjoy and value so much, especially now that I’m pregnant, and after having had to pause my studies in my first pregnancy. I still have plans to pursue my own individual dreams, but right now I’m taking full advantage of being home full-time, settling into marriage and giving my 3 year old as much attention as I can give to him
Thank you so much, Palesa! I’m so pleased you are finding joy in where you find yourself at the moment. Thank you for your very kind comment.
Wow, I love this perspective on both housewife/mom and working wife/mom. I don’t like the term housewife and prefer CEO of home…lol. But I can totally agree with everything you mentioned in this article. I particularly love the part where you say it’s a choice, we’re not submissive, and “we can afford to be”….such good points. In my situation, it was not much of choice, but I realized it was the ‘best choice’ at the time. My husband and I are equally vested in running the household. Although he is the income provider, hubby always says it’s our money because I am his partner and wife. I am far from submissive. Financially we are ok, do I wish we had more money? Of course!! Who doesn’t during these times, but we are pretty comfortable. Of course, I am working on building my online business from home and he’s supportive of my goals and business plan. At first, I was very resistant to being home and I was ‘itching’ to be in the ‘workforce’. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have respect for ALL women whatever they choose to do. However, we all know that being home is often a thankless job. As long as my family appreciates what I do, I don’t care what society or anyone else thinks. Great post!!
Thank you so much, Nina! It sounds like we have a great deal in common. I like your CEO of home title – that’s excellent! Thank you for your kind comment.
V thoughtful and very informative 👏 👌
Thank you, Ruchi.
Hello April, I was thrilled to find this article was so recently posted. Your part about going to lunch with a friend was so great, because since the pandemic, my annual lunch with my best girlfriends has been delayed by years now. We are hopeful for November at this point. This upcoming New Year’s Eve will mark my 22nd wedding anniversary. My sweetheart has always encouraged me to spread my wings and try numerous jobs and career pursuits over the years, yet they all lead back to the same conclusion – Occupation : Housewife. My situation is unique in a couple of ways : My “children” are a pride of mischievous Maine Coon cats, and my husband is retired, home all the time, a diabetic with complications. So I think you can imagine, there is rarely a dull moment for me, looking after them, 24/7 in our nearly 2000 square foot, turn of the century house, which we cherish after having started off our lives together quite literally homeless.
Finances struggles were a big issue off an on over the years, but especially since 2013 when we had a string of disasters, ((disguised blessings)) resulting in basically the end of my hard-working husband’s work life. We are finally recovering from that chapter, but some months we have to go hungry in order to keep our cats fed. Having to ask for help from friends, family or charitable organizations takes a beating on your self-esteem. In-Laws and associates have looked down on me over the years for not taking on a job, like I’m a burden on my husband instead of a helpmate. Just recently I had a chance to pursue a medically related career once more, at no cost, and it would have provided much needed income, but still my honey didn’t want me to do it. He knew it would take a toll on me physically, and more importantly he would miss me like crazy. He can’t even go a day or night without my company, and if I were working I’d be constantly worried about him at home. Although at 69yrs old he can still run circles around the youth when it comes to yard work and certain chores, he has sudden spells of hypoglycemia, in between extreme highs which we try to manage with the insulin injections I give him. He’s always leaving his CGM here or there and I have to chase after him to reconnect the signal. Bottom line, if I were not home, my husband and the kitty kids would not survive, lest I leave them in the care of strangers who get paid to do what I do, and I dare say they wouldn’t be so nice about it. I have to get up in the middle of the night, early AM, hit the ground running, or keep him company when he can’t sleep. Now, do I ever get bored? Rarely lol When I do it usually has to do with self-esteem issues, society tempting me with the envy of punching a time clock, grabbing a Dunkin’s coffee on my to work, with the ability to buy whatever I want at the grocery store, or call a vet or a repair man as soon as it’s needed. Yet we scrimp and save, struggle and pray, and God always comes through, because I’m walking in His path, the path he laid out for me in my particular case. I wish I could find housewives in similar situations. I am thinking of starting a You Tube channel to find them. Sorry for the longwinded comment :)) God Bless
Dear Gina,
Thank you so much for your comment. I am always interested to learn more about my readers, and I am so pleased the article resonated with you.
Your husband and your kitty-kids are very lucky to have you! It can be so hard when others share unwanted opinions about what they think you should be doing. However, it really is none of their business. Only you and your husband can know what is best for you. You will never regret the choice to spend time with and look after those who you love.
God always does come through, and I pray you and your family will be blessed with lots of happiness and abundance.
God Bless.
Thank you for the insightful view into Professional Housewives. My wife has been an at home Mom (Professional Housewife) since the birth of our first child.
My wife has a Master’s degree and many years of professional experience outside the home.
The only thing that I disagree with in your article is that children raised by At Home Mom’s/Professional Housewives, for those who do, are often happier, healthier and more successful in their lives.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts – very powerful!
Love and peace, Peter ~
Thank you for your comment, Peter. I appreciate your positive feedback.
Best wishes!
I just finished reading an article about a housewife of 1941 and I have to say not much has changed for most of the ladies I know who are home. I gave up formal education and a career to put my ex husband through school. I raised two children and managed a home and raised a husband as well but he never got beyond the age of six due to mental health issues.
In the divorce he lied and hid all our assets and I got nothing.
Still living without a home.
It was a ton of work to be the one that was home.
I just finished reading an article about a housewife of 1941 and I have to say not much has changed for most of the ladies I know who are home. I gave up formal education and a career to put my ex husband through school. I raised two children and managed a home and raised a husband as well but he never got beyond the age of six due to mental health issues.
In the divorce he lied and hid all our assets and I got nothing.
Still living without a home.
It was a ton of work to be the one that was home.
I’m so sorry, Janet. What an awful experience you have had. I’m praying that things will improve for you.
Hello! Apologies for the late comment, I just came across this article. I just wanted to to say thank you for expressing what so many of us think but sometimes can’t formulate the words for. I am 26 and work full time right now, but have discussed with my partner that when the time comes in a few years once he is no longer travelling for work and our mortgage is paid off a little more, that I can move to part time work and take up more of the homemaking duties. I just have a question if you don’t mind. Is it wrong for me to want this life choice if I don’t have kids and don’t plan on having any? I have hobbies outside of the home to keep me busy, and would be working part time, but I feel kind of guilty for wanting this when I know other women have much more involved in homemaking that comes with having children. Thanks for such an eloquent, well-written article!
Thank you so much for the lovely compliment, Eve! I’m really glad the article resonated with you.
In answer to your question, there is absolutely nothing wrong about you wanting to choose a life that involves a balance of part time work and homemaking, whether you have children or not. You and your partner should do what works best for both of you, and if that is a goal you both want to work towards, you should definitely go for it! There is no need to feel guilty for building a life you love 🙂
Wishing you all the best!
I’m a 58 year old woman, who had to retire over a year ago because of chronic illness. I’m slowly recovering. But being home full time has been so fulfilling. I love having the housework under control. I also love cooking and baking. We eventually traded my car in for one good vehicle, so I’m home all day and I love it.I’ve always been introverted, so I’m happiest alone.
Now that I’m starting to feel well enough to work again, we did the math. It’s better for us financially for us to have one car, and me to manage a food budget and cook our meals as a housewife Plus it’s healthier. I’m definitely judged by some so called friends. But I’m not sure why I need to apologize for loving taking care of our home life. When I worked, I was always stressed, the house never clean, and we ate out, or fast food several times a week,
I know my husband loves having me home, and me being much more peaceful.
I loved my job, I was a massage therapist for 25 years. But it’s really nice finding joy in the simple things too.
I am glad to hear you are recovering, Jennifer, but I’m sorry to hear you have not been well. It is lovely to hear that you are finding being at home so fulfilling and that it brings you joy. I am sorry some of your friends are judging you – I think sometimes people are jealous. It is lovely finding joy in the simple things. Thank you for your lovely comment. Wishing you and your husband all the very best in 2024.
This was very healing for me so thank you April. I left my office career when I got divorced and my second husband thought my daughter needed me to provide stability for her. As time went by my daughters ADHD and OCD became more demanding and my husbands disability prevented him from helping around the house.
I was raised in a Christian home, in a community where the homemakers had cleaners. I decided that I would never employ help for cleaning, gardening, decorating or anything else. I never watched TV during the day but did take Bible breaks and have an occasional coffee with a friend.
When I look at my daughter’s life now that she’s forty, it’s a mess. I look at my husband who’s still working in retirement and feel as if I contributed nothing, had no impact, made no difference. I look at our small pension and feel like a parasite and a failure.
I feel like a dinosaur, a glitch in the modern world but reading your article reminded me of the pecuniary and heartfelt value of putting one’s family before a career.
Maybe if I hadn’t been at home, my daughter’s harmful lifestyle would have been worse. Maybe, my husband would have had to employ people to tend to his disability and incontinence, maybe we would have paid out my income on painters and decorators. Maybe things are better because I was at home. I’ll never really know the answer but I can always open this page of your blog to remind myself I have value.
Thank you
Debbie, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you have had a very challenging time of it, but it is important that you know you have definitely made a difference and you do have more value than you could ever know.
The myriad little things we do, the ones we take for granted, are often the ones that make things so much better for our loved ones, even if their personal situation is not a good one.
I am so glad you found this article helpful, and please do know that you are important, valued and loved. Thank you so much for your comment. It blesses me to know if I have helped someone.
Wishing you all good things and lots of wonderful unexpected blessings,
April
Much needed read, you covered all aspects well-
Love,
A Housewife of 2 decades !
Thank you so much for your very kind comment, Bushra! I am so glad you enjoyed it!