Being a housewife or stay at home mom – or as I prefer to call it, being a professional housewife – puts you in one of the most controversial professions today. Society’s views of us fluctuate so wildly it’s impossible to keep up. On one hand we are valuable members of society who are strengthening family ties. On the other we are old fashioned and outdated. There are those who hold us responsible for thwarting the efforts of women who work outside the home and insulting the memory of those who worked so hard to obtain equal rights for women.
Some people might even take issue with my use of the word ‘professional’. I have long argued that being a housewife or stay at home mom is a career in itself, and that we are professional housewives. I even went so far as to buy the URL ProfessionalHousewife.com over seventeen years ago (it still points to this website). I wrote and posted the first draft of this article on my original website around that same time. Sadly not much has changed in the ensuing years and the words I wrote then are still very pertinent.
Housewives and Stay at Home Moms Are Professionals
Housewives and stay at home moms are professionals, just as much as anyone who works outside the home. Creative problem solving, multi-tasking, advanced project management and diplomacy are only a few of the skills a professional housewife requires. On any given day we are required to be project managers, diplomats, childcare workers, nurses, psychologists, chefs, chauffeurs, interior designers, party planners, financial managers, social secretaries, electricians, repair people and change management experts, often all before lunchtime.
It’s Not Always The Easy Choice
Staying home with your children may be a lifestyle choice. However, in many cases it is one that involves making sacrifices and living on less out of a desire to give children a more traditional upbringing. Many women work their way to the top of the corporate ladder, save their money and then give it all up to be with their kids. It’s hard work, and not the easiest choice to make.
In my case, it wasn’t even really a choice. Although I came to love my circumstances and am still a housewife even now we are empty nesters, I simply could not afford to go back to work when my son was born in 1993. When I added up childcare and transportation costs, my salary (as a PA) simply wasn’t enough. Most days I would have been paying to go to work. There are plenty of women still in this kind of situation today.
The Media Often Gives Housewives a Bad Reputation
We don’t see many real housewives in the media, which has embraced a version of the housewife who is wealthy, spoiled and self-centred. My particular bête noire is the “Real Housewives” television series. This ironically unreal version of housewives bears no resemblance to day to day life for most of us. While we have been very blessed and my husband’s hard work has provided us with an abundant lifestyle I only dreamed of back in the early days of our marriage, I have absolutely never behaved as those women do.
Add the skewed portrayal of housewives in the media to the insecurities of many women who have struggled to carve careers for themselves in a corporate world that still favours men, and you get the shift in perception that means professional housewives may even be seen as something negative. We are often seen to have somehow ‘let down the side’ in the cause of equality. Some people even see the way we trust our husbands to provide for our families as laziness. They’ve clearly never spent a day with a professional housewife. It makes me sad that large portions of society have lost respect for housewives and stay at home moms.
Being a Professional Housewife Isn’t For Everyone
I absolutely do not think every woman should be a professional housewife nor that every mother should stay at home. It’s not the right choice for every woman.
There is no conclusive proof that children raised by stay at home moms are any better or worse off than those raised by moms who work outside the home. Every child is different. No one should be judged for wanting to carry on with their career, any more than anyone should be judged for wanting care for their children at home.
There’s No Such Thing as a Typical Housewife
I also want to make it totally clear that I don’t espouse the frighteningly dated vision of the stereotypical 1950’s housewife wearing a twin set and pearls. That isn’t what a professional housewife is. In almost every case, we are forward thinking, forward looking women bearing little resemblance to the unfulfilled housewives of Betty Friedan’s ‘The Feminine Mystique’.
Most of us are well-educated, independent and have worked outside the home as well as in it. Some of us work from home as well. We may have chosen a more traditional role, but there’s nothing old fashioned about us.
Being a Professional Housewife is a Worthwhile, Important Role
Belittled, misunderstood and looked down on, housewives and stay at home moms might begin to believe the misconceptions that are being peddled as truth and start to wonder if we are really not doing enough. It is little wonder that many of us suffer from stress and that eating disorders and various addictions are on the rise amongst us.
How many of us have been teased about ‘not having anything to do’ or ‘being on permanent vacation’? Even other women refer to us as a ‘ladies of leisure’. All of these comments perpetuate the myth that we are frivolous creatures, at home all day with very little to do. And it is just that, a myth. There isn’t a single moment I haven’t had something to do since January 1993, and I simply don’t remember what being bored feels like. Like many of my contemporaries, I have to make an effort to find time for leisure activities.
Making a home and/or raising the next generation full time should be lauded, not criticized. It’s time for a change in attitude within society, government and especially amongst ourselves and other women. The equal rights we women fought so hard for were intended to include a woman’s right to be choose her own career. Being a housewife or stay at home mom is definitely a career – unpaid, messy and challenging – but a professional career nonetheless.
Comments & Reviews
Great post!! As a professional housewife and stay at home mom for the last 25 years or so I appreciate every word you wrote! I agree it is definitely a career! I wouldn’t have changed anything about my time at home!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Nancy. I’m so glad your experience has been as positive as mine has 🙂
I’m not a mother and I’m currently working, but I am all about individual choice and if being at home works for either half (or both) of a couple, then I think that’s wonderful. You’re quite right: it typically means some financial sacrifices but the corresponding benefits can make it a fantastic choice for many family units. And even without kids, running a home, keeping it clean, and feeding the ‘family’ with interesting, nutritious food can be a battle without someone keeping the home fire burning. Once you add kids to that equation, I can fully understand that having one adult with the home as their focus is a highly logical choice for many.
Thank you, Pauline 🙂
very true indeed. Iam currently employed and i always have housemaids to manage my home but the truth is am not getting the best out of it. i feel i am the best person to do it . am thinking of a flexible arrangement where i could do something for a financial gain yet being at home to take care of my home children and husband. Its a choice that needs bravity but am sure me and my family will benefit out of it
Thank you for sharing, Rebecca. I wish you all the best!
I couldn’t agree more! Thanks for advocating for us professional moms. I have spent the last 20 years juggling a career and my three lovely kids and find that ultimately, there’s no better career than raising a family. The time invested in them is definitely worth it.
Thank you, Dina 🙂
I grew up in a culture that spoke, and lived, by this motto: “There is no success, however great, that can compensate for failure in the home.”
That’s seriously thought provoking, Kathy – and really very true 🙂
Being a full time house wife is wonderful. It’s, also exhausting, isolating, and more than full time! When I was single, I worked as a Staff Nurse and that was exhausting! But- I got to go home and switch off and recover. I don’t know how women fit everything in that needs doing in the home as well as holding other jobs down. I really love Kathy’s comment. Being a stay at home wife and Mum has been the most challenging thing I have ever done, but I wouldn’t swap it for the world. It is hugely satisfying. Thank you for your great article, I found it so encouraging.
Thank you so much, Jenny 🙂 I totally agree with you and I like Kathy’s comment as well. Like you I feel that being a full time housewife truly is the most challenging thing I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t swap it for anything either!
I have no problem with a woman who chooses to be a housewife, my issue is with the term ‘professional’ as it is not a salaried position. However, there are professional housewives who undertake the duties of a housewife, well the ones outside the bedroom, for a salary for families who for whatever reason are unable to undertake those jobs.
While dictionary definitions of ‘professional’ may suggest that one is salaried, more modern definitions also include the terminology ‘professional volunteer’. In this case I am referring to part of the Oxford dictionary definition which states “Worthy of or appropriate to a professional person; competent, skilful, or assured”. And just for the record, I don’t consider my duties as a housewife to include anything in the bedroom. What happens there is part of my Christian marriage to my husband and nothing to do with the fact I am a housewife.
Thank you for writing and posting this, April. I have been a professional housewife for just over two years. It was never my life’s ambition to be a housewife, but I’ve found that I enjoy it. My husband really appreciates coming home to a nutritious, delicious meal and a tidy house every night.
When I first took on the role of a housewife, I was burnt out from my previous job. Although I needed to take time for me, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. It was difficult to tell people that I was a housewife, even though my husband’s job made it a little more “socially acceptable” (he’s a farmer).
I’m only beginning to understand the important role housewives play in society. We are the ones to make sure our spouses have good, healthy food to eat and a clean place to lie down at night. My shame about staying at home full time and not bringing in an income was misplaced. Thank you for showing me that.
I am so glad my article resonated with you, Christina, and that it helped. Thank you so much for commenting and letting me know. What you are doing is definitely important, valuable and makes a difference. Wishing you all the best!
As a working mother since 1988 – try working full time and raising children. It’s a hell of a lot more difficult than having the luxury of focusing solely on your home, kids, cleaning and cooking. Working moms juggle it all and provide fiancially for their family. Not to mention the intellectual benefits of working in an actual profession. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t even compare. When the kids are at school, what DO you do all day?
If you read my article carefully you will notice I made a point of not criticising working mothers, Patti, in fact I praised them. We all have to do what suits us – and not what others think we should! As for your question – that is a typical example of the kind of prejudice that has to stop. Women bashing other women is utterly out of date. We need to SUPPORT one another as I have attempted to do in this article. But to answer your question, running our home and our very busy life keeps me more than occupied every single minute of every single day. It’s hard for me to even fit in the time to write!
I am a housewife and I’m not busy every single minute of my day and I’m sorry that you don’t have a work-life balance. Should I feel embarrassed that my life is bit more balanced than yours and that I have time to smell the roses? No! You are allowed to live your truth and I’m allowed to live mine. Its called freedom to choose. However, I am busy too. I wake up in the morning and prepare coffee for my husband as he readies himself for work. I run errands after dropping him off to work since we share our gorgeous sports car. After that I hurry home to prepare fresh lunch for our lunch date. I check my emails and respond back to emails that are important and I check LinkedIn to stay well informed about the job market. I check the local and international news because I enjoy learning about social, political and legal issues. I sometimes attend personal and professional phone calls. I am also utilizing my college education to start a nonprofit to help the underprivileged in today’s complex job market. It is emotionally rewarding to pursue my passion of helping others. Few weeks ago I catered a nonprofits event for 125 attendees. I planned out the entire menu by myself, coordinated the catering for the event with other volunteer team members, and I even prepared some of food for 125 people by myself. I voluntarily sat in on the nonprofit’s expansion planning committee with experts in their field and I made some key suggestions on how to accomplish the organization’s success. I set up that nonprofits twitter account and I briefly served as its Web & Digital Content Coordinator and gave it more SEO traffic than it ever hard since 5 years in one week alone. I left the volunteer position to go start my own nonprofit business. I am currently working on my own business plan while I’m juggling the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother or two adult son from my previous marriage. Yes even as a mother of two grown boys I have duties to them. I am their safe space to turn to for emotional comfort and professional advice because their own father often gets embroiled with them in power struggles. I’m only 43 by the way and my second marriage is one year old. I’m working hard to get this one right! On Sunday’s I visit church with my husband and I coordinate social events for our household with other positive people in our life. My husband is an introvert so the responsibility of connecting with others in society at a deeper level often starts with my initiative. I am also my husbands impromptu therapist, his sexual release, his best friend, his confidante and I even coordinate activities with his own parents too. I do most of our household shopping because he lacks patience to stand in long lines. I have helped him recover from years of alcoholism. Ive used my B.A. in Psychology to help him see his self-worth and see the importance of adding God in his life. He also struggles with sexual addiction and it is not easy life considering he’s handsome and there is always that one particular woman at his work who’s ready to throw herself at him even when he does his best to stay professional with them. Ive seen it myself so I know he’s innocent. There’s always a hungry tiger out there that likes the perks they think I’m getting such as a nice car, handsome husband who listens to me, nice roof over my head etc. It may look like my life is awesome now but I worked hard for the comfortable spot I’m in now! This list barely touches the surface of the things I do routinely as a wife and we don’t have little kids in the mix yet! Please tell me again how your life is more complex than mine again? I don’t want to openly share my name online so I’ll stick with Sweet please.
Thank you for your comment, Sweet. When I first read it, I did not see that it was in reply to another reader’s comment, so replied with that in mind. Now I realise the context, I’ve amended my comment. You are right, no one has a right to judge how we spend our days as housewives. I’m sorry you are facing so many challenges in your life, but it sounds like you are handling them very well. I wish you all the best.
I will release my name because I do stand by my convictions. I read the entire comment about how your life as a housewife is somehow more superior. I’ve raised kids for 2 1/2 decades. I also am my husband’s therapist etc. I take care of my mother who has dementia and I’ve survived 29 years of marriage which included enormous self sacrifice. You mentioned you have no children and you are on your second marriage which is not that long, I’ve had goldfish that live longer. You listed all these accomplishments like you were trying to convince readers how wonderful you are. Not sure if you are aware of that? It read like a plea bargain. You either have narcissistic grandiosity or you are really suffering inside trying to be a overachiever. I’m not saying I’m perfect and I have my demons but with all that you do, assuming it’s all true and not some competitive front, you are going to one day run out of gas and end up in a psychiatric facility wondering how you got there. Because you can’t please everyone. I understand where you are coming from, because I too am a recovering perfectionist. You need to relax and don’t complicate things by having children and forcing your neurotic behavior on them. I speak from experience.
Laura, I’m not sure what was happening in Sweet’s life back in 2017 but it sounds like she was having a rough time. I’m sorry you are clearly having a rough time as well.
Thanks for this post, I’ve just come to the realisation that it makes much more sense for our family for me to stay at home and work as housewife at least while our kids are still little. It makes practical sense given our family situation but I can’t help but feeling very mixed up about it. I have a master’s degree and did pre-kids have a nascent academic career, I attempted to go back to work last year but found it impossible to manage everything – my husband works long hours and his job really does pay enough to support us as a family, me going out to work would just mean pre and after school clubs for the kids, which would take most of my wages, a chaotic household and me on the verge of a breakdown! As a feminist, I find it hard to swallow probably because I’ve internalised a load of nonsense that somehow this role would be meaningless or unfulfilling. I’ve mentally and physically been on strike while I work my head around it, the house is getting cluttered, I’m doing the bare minimum, which is just serving to feed my sense that I’m not cut out for this, but I know I am, I just can’t get my head around it right now. Your article helped, so thanks.
Hi Lisa, I’m so glad you found my article helpful. I really appreciate your comment and how you’ve shared your experience. I think its important to remember that feminism was supposed to be about choice – somehow it got twisted to mean women had to have – and do – it all. I do consider myself a feminist as well, however I have chosen (even when it wasn’t economically a good idea for us) to be a housewife / stay at home mom because it created more balance in our lives and made my family and I happier. Not that it was roses all the time – often it can be exhausting and frustrating! The important thing is that on the whole, I personally am happier with being a housewife and I do find it very fulfilling. Honestly, you have to do what works for you. I suppose the question is, are you really happy as a stay at home mom, do you enjoy it? If you truly are unhappy about staying at home then you should not feel you have to, even if it makes sense. However if all that is stopping you from enjoying being a housewife/SAHM is a perception forced on you by others, then I hope you can put that to the side and enjoy the fun parts of being there for your family in a way that works for you. And one more thing, you mustn’t feel that being a housewife means you have to have a perfect house – I have clutter sometimes and there are times that only the bare minimum gets done here too. A happy home and family isn’t always picture perfect and that is absolutely okay. Thank you so much again for getting in touch.
I work part time outside the home and the other half I work from home, (I’m a Mary Kay consultant ). I really want to transition into a house wife. Where do I begin?
Hi Sheri, I’d encourage you to keep up with the Mary Kay consultant role as it’s important to have something of your own that you enjoy doing. You could just gradually scale back your part time hours in your other job if that’s possible. You have to do what works for you and your family, and what you enjoy. Being a housewife doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I consider myself a full time housewife, even though I’m a writer and blogger. It is really important to do things that you enjoy too, both in addition to, and as part of, your role as a housewife. Take some time to think about the things you really enjoy doing, and then work to build them into your role as a housewife. Also, it is definitely possible to be a part time housewife, it doesn’t have to be full time. I hope this helps. x
Hi April! Thanks so much for responding back! I was just wondering if you have children? I ask because my husband and I don’t have children and we both want me to be more of a housewife. Any thoughts/suggestions on women becoming housewives/no kids? Thanks!!! Sheri
Hi Sheri! It’s a pleasure. I My husband and I have a son, but our son is 25 and lives away from home, so I’m definitely a good example of a housewife without children in the house. It totally works for my husband and I, and has done for several years. I actually began my transition to being more of a housewife after we got married and before our son arrived, changing to temporary/part-time work. So I’ve been a housewife without children at home quite a lot! (We have been married for 28 years.) It really works for us, and I’m sure it will work for you all too. You will find some people question your choices, but you just have to ignore them and do what works for you and your husband. Don’t be afraid to keep a little something for yourself though, like perhaps your Mary Kay work, as it can be good to have something like that. Wishing you all the very best!
This helps! Thank you! I’m just curios. ..what does a typical day look like for you? What time do you get up? Etc. .thanks!
I’m so glad it helps, Sheri. We travel so much, I don’t really have a typical day, but an ordinary day when we are at home would be: get up with my husband about 6.30am and get breakfast for my husband and myself before he goes to work. Then I would do some odd chores like emptying the dishwasher, making the beds, putting washing on etc., before personal training at 9am. Then after PT and a shower, I’ll do some writing before lunch. I also like to get together with friends regularly for coffee or lunch, so that might figure into the day. The afternoon will be split up into phone meetings, writing, blogging, recipe development, a few chores round the house (I have paid help with housecleaning and ironing but I still do many chores myself). There’s also admin (bills etc) and organising our social schedule. I also like to take half an hour out to read, or sometimes I will have appointments in the afternoon (some personal, some for the blog). My husband’s schedule varies, so dinner can be anytime from 7 till 9pm. Sometimes we go out, or sometimes I cook. I’m lucky to have a lot of variety day to day and for me, that is key. Other people may find they thrive on a strict routine, especially if there are young children involved, but that’s not practical for me as we have so many different things going on.
I really appreciate responding back! I google ways to become a house wife and it’s just nice to have an a person to email/nl bounce ideas, ask questions. .etc.
I am sure I’ll have more questions as time goes on so I will be in touch! Thanks again! !
I’m happy to help, Sheri 🙂
Hello April,
I worked outside of the home as an editor for six years, while struggling to find balance at home with my husband and our three children. My change in career path came after receiving a phone call from our daughters day care provider, informing me that she had just taken her first steps.
Overall, I was heartbroken by missing the “big milestones” with our children.
Choosing to become a professional housewife was, by far, the best decision for myself and for our family. I have been doing so for roughly thirteen years.
I am curiously wondering, have you experienced backlash from elder family members? Personally, my Aunt often tells me “it’s time for you to get out and do something with your life,” or “it’s time for you to become a productive member of society,” followed up with “your husband is a saint for putting up with you.” In my opinion, she clearly does not value my professional housewife role….
Hello Sara,
Thank you so much for your very kind comment. I’m so sorry you have had a difficult experience with family members. My elder family members were all pretty understanding, but I had some serious backlash and negativity from very close friends. I was devastated at the time, but now our son is grown up, I’m so very glad I ignored them.
I don’t mean to offend, but I think your Aunt is being really rude to you, and she has no right to say those things. I don’t know her circumstances, but these comments may be coming from a place of jealousy if she was unable to be a professional housewife? However, regardless of her motivation she has no right to be so cutting.
I encourage you to ignore her, and carry on with what makes you and your family happy. Being a professional housewife is definitely an incredibly productive roll, and I’m so glad that it is working well for you and your family.
I was a housewife too and I made the decision to be one as a child watching my best friend’s mom and family and how peaceful their household was with delicious meals made from scratch and homemade cookies in the cookie jar and a clean and orderly household. My family life was much different. My mother divorced my father after she found he was a criminal. She had 4 children, no money and had to live on welfare until we were old enough to manage better being alone. She worked full time as a nurse but not an RN, was always tired and stressed because of the heavy load she carried alone. We kids were alone a lot unsupervised and still poor, there was no extra money for child care or other luxuries. We mostly ate frozen and processed foods. When she was home she was still not very available to us, she had too much to do on top of being exhausted and stressed. She didnt have much left to give.. I wanted my mom but she wasn’t there. I vowed to give my children their mom. I went to college 2 years and worked until I had children. I was very careful who I married because I didnt want to end up divorced or being a mom that worked full time. I got the life I wanted but it was a lot harder than it looked to me as a kid. I had at one point 3 kids under 3, a husband who worked 12 hour days, 1 weekend a month with business trips and once a 2 month school he had to go to across the country. My children as adults tell me I made their childhood a dream. They are all successful adults. At times I felt isolated, depressed, but never let it show. I heard all the degrading comments and attitudes and often was disregarded as having nothing important to say. I did sell antiques at one point after they started school but it only took about 4 hours a day. I now have an Etsy shop. As a housewife I went way up above and beyond what was required. Excellence and professionalism.
I didnt mean to be so long because my real motivation for replying to your excellent post is to say during those years I was sick of the stigma with the word housewife. Also I didnt like the way the term identified me. It’s like saying; cubicle wife, meaning she works in a office. I am more than a wife, more than the structure I work and we aren’t always in the house. Our community is where we work. So I changed my title to:
HOME AND FAMILY MANAGER
and you’re right, it is a profession if you do it in the manner of excellence.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful, honest and open comment, Ronda. I am so interested in other’s experiences, the only way we can learn is if we share. I appreciate the compliment, and I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. Your title is a good one, and really does cover more of what we all do. I think it’s wonderful when we can take pride in what we do, and even more so when our children tell us that they appreciate it! Thank you so much again for your comment.
Being a stay-at-home mum is not an easy task.
My mom was one and I can relate with your article.
House wives should not be mocked because they are actually the real home managers.
And being a manager, is a herculean task.
This is so true! Thank you for your comment!
My mother was a professional housewife and I enjoyed and benefited from it, so when I had children I managed to stay at home full time during the week and only work on weekends in my career as a registered nurse. My husband took over on weekends and we managed well I worked the night shift so I was also able to enjoy some weekend activities before going to sleep in the late afternoon for work that night. I felt it was the best of both worlds. When my children grew up and were on their own I worked more to help pay for their college tuition and towards retirement and I was happy that I had kept current in my profession to do so. It really is a choice and everyone should decide what is best for their family.
I agree, Pat, and every family, and every woman, have/has different needs. It sounds like you really did have the best of both worlds, and that your kids did as well! 🙂 It’s lovely when that happens!
I love being a professional housewife but it’s not always easy for sure. Thankfully my husband sees how much work I do and appreciates me as do my boys and that’s all that I need.
As you say, Joanne, it’s definitely not easy. It is lovely to be appreciated though. I am so glad you are!
I have been a housewife since 2014 , honestly I couldn’t balance the kitchen and other housework with the job I had . Then after an year I had my son who had a syndrome so I dedicated myself to him , now I feel he is about grown up so to get financially a little independent I should start working again . Life in between wasn’t easy as my husband would often taunt me for being stay at home . Even though I worked double hard along with my sons medical issues. Now I have a part time job as a long career break and we moving to another country made it harder to get a job . Anyhow , now I get paid for what hours I work . The days I am not called to work my husband has a bad attitude toward me . I often feel suicidal as I feel I am good for nothing … but worry for my son . Your article made gave me a little self esteem . Thank you !
I know we have never met, Neh, but I want to assure you first of all that you are important and valuable as a person. We all have a role to play in how the world works. Yes, you are important to your son, but in so many other ways as well. We never know our role in the universe, or how our actions may affect someone else, but your presence on this earth is because you are needed here.
I totally understand how hard it is to balance caring for a home and family in addition to having a job outside the home. This is particularly the case when a family member has special needs.
I am truly sorry your husband has been, and is being, so unkind. He has no right to taunt you for taking time away from your career to care for him and for your family, or for anything else. The role of a husband is to be supportive and caring.
I am so glad that my article helped. Please do seek further help if you continue to feel suicidal. You should not be made to feel that way.
Remember you have a valuable place in the universe and you are needed by others as well as your son. I pray that you will find caring people to help you and that you will know a lot more happiness in the days to come.
I have been a stay at home mum for 27 years and was a homeschooling mum for 21 of those years, and now that my nest is empty, I have been at a loss for a “job title.” Thanks so much for the suggestion!
I’m so glad it resonated with you, Michele! 🙂
This really hits home with me, too. I absolutely love that I get to be a professional housewife. My youngest daughter had a baby this spring and has chosen to stay home as well. It makes this mama’s heart happy to see that she is able and willing to do it also.
I stayed at home. I hated my mother working and she only worked school hours. I was a latch key child and preferred not having a tired mother and more poverty and her attention. I fed all My babies naturally for as long as WHO advises.you can’t do that on maternity leave! Mat leave needs to be at atleast 2 yrs for child! Otherwise both child and mother is cheated. Ta headmistress poured dcorn on me being just a housewife but had the nerve to demand that I babysat while at school meetings! Society was much better when women cared for the famiy and home, properly I mean.
I’m so glad the article resonated with you Catherine. I can’t get over the headmistress, she sounds like a real tyrant! Thank you so much for your comment. Wishing you all the very best!
Hi April, thank you for this beautiful article. I’m 35, I could not work for the last 5 years because I moved to a different country and had a 1 year old now 5years and now we have another child 6months old. I just got my work permit in this country and started working 3 months ago when my LO was jus 3months but kept him home with me and worked. When I was a home maker during that point I did not enjoy it and it was very hard period because cooking and cleaning taking care of my child it’s hard work and no easy feet but I sure know that my family benefited. Now that I started working it’s really hard and I feel my kids and my husband are not getting enough attention and my husband is in a high demanding job but by God’s grace even if I quit my job, my husband’s salary is more than enough to run our family. That being said I love working at the same time I feel bad for my kids, it’s overwhelming even to think about on how I will support my child once he starts kindergarten and thought of putting my LO in day care kills me and we do not have family support here. I’m lost in this battle on what to do. If you were me what would you do? I’m sorry I wanted to brainstorm and understand.
I’m so glad the article resonated with you, Cynthia, and I’m honoured that you would ask my advice.
I’m afraid I don’t agree with Cventure’s comment. Working mothers do have a great deal to be proud of and their children can definitely thrive. Many of my friends and colleagues work outside the home and have very happy families with well adjusted, happy children. A good daycare or nursery can actually be a great place for kids to become more social and independent.
It’s very important to honour your own needs as well as those of your family. If you love working outside the home, you should definitely continue to do so. It is a real blessing your family could manage on your husband’s salary, but that does not mean you should feel guilty for working. I totally understand how difficult it is without family support – my parents lived in Canada and my husband’s parents lived in France when our son was little – although my parents loved to babysit when they visited.
I would continue to work and see how it goes. You may find that your LO really enjoys daycare – and many daycare places offer a pick up service from school too. Take it one day at a time and always consider your own needs. We can only give our best to our families if our own needs are fulfilled on every level. I hope this helps. Please do let me know how it goes.
April, thank you so much! So true we can only give when our needs are fulfilled in every home.I sure will you an update on how things go.
I’m so glad I could help, Cynthia. I look forward to hearing how you get on.
Put your children and family first. Working mothers have nothing of which to be proud and the children are neglected. The headmistress next door poured scorn on me for being a stay at home mum, yet she had the nerve to ask me to take in her children when at school meetings!
I totally agree, being a house-wife is indeed a career which should be recognised as such. I am a pharmacist who has had for the first time in my married life chosen to be a stay home …and oh my have I not been shocked by the amount of work involved
I am so glad the article resonated with you, Geraldine. I really appreciate your comment, thank you!
Best wishes, April
I really needed to hear this today. I have been a SAHM since my daughter was born 13 years ago. I feel so judged as lacking by everyone but this is where my heart is and I don’t want to do anything else. My husband thought I would want to go back to work once my 2 kids were in school full time but he owns his own business and works more then full time meaning all (or most of) the family and household tasks are up to me to take care of and I can’t imagine doing all of that and working full time unless of course I had to for our financial well being. I do work part time at our family business but for me that’s enough. Why does everyone and society make me feel like I am a loser for wanting to be there for my family and make our home a happy and comfortable place
I am so glad the article helped, Genevieve! Thank you for reaching out and letting me know.
There is so much pressure on women to be doing all the things, and there is often such a lack of understanding around the idea that being there for our families and making a happy and comfortable home really is enough. Do not allow the naysayers to steal your happiness. Some of them may be jealous, and others simply do not understand. I know it is hard, but you are doing something very important indeed, and what society thinks is not important. Your happiness and the happiness of your family is all that matters.
this is quite an amazing article that deserves an award.
thanks for sharing.
am a degree holder of bachelor of statistics and applied economics. am a mother of 5 and i have been married over 20 years now. being a professional housewife wasn’t my choice but i began to love it as i gave birth to my 1st born. its really amazing raising your own children, being there full time for them and being their first teacher in religious and moral values. many times we are called ignorant wives but from my research work about working class women and raising children , has many negative impacts on well-being of children.
i won’t say much on this but all i can say is that am a proud professional housewife and a mother of 5.
Thank you so much for your lovely message, Raz! It is a wonderful experience raising our own children, and I am so glad that you came to love being a professional housewife. It is amazing the wisdom it takes to raise a child – and also the wisdom we gain while doing it. Wishing you all the very best.