A tradwife is a woman who has decided to submit to her husband, as, in the words of one woman, “like it’s 1959”. While I see absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife or stay at home mom, I find the idea of someone subjugating themselves in the fashion that tradwives embrace seriously alarming.
The Tradwife Trend
The women of the tradwife trend seek to embody the values of housewives in the early part of the century and up to the 1950’s, who were forced to defer to their husbands in almost every respect. Back then, gender equality was only a dream. Women were almost always financially dependant on men and misogyny was rife.
Most housewives in the 1950’s had no access to, and in many if not most cases no knowledge of, family finances. It sounds shocking, but until the 1970’s women often required the permission of their husband or a male family member to take out a mortgage, borrow money or apply for a credit card. I vividly remember my own mother, who had a job of her own at the time, having to get my father to co-sign her application for a credit card in the early 1970’s.
Being a Housewife in the 21st Century
Society’s perception of housewives and stay at home moms may still be traditional, but the reality is anything but. A 1950’s housewife would find it difficult to believe a 21st century housewife was a housewife at all. Housewife or not, women are still performing the majority of the homemaking and caregiving tasks. However many also run businesses from home or work part-time, even if they still call themselves housewives – and I am sure most would want to distance themselves from the tradwife trend.
My Personal View
I used to consider myself a housewife, and on some levels I still do. That said, I am also a writer and entrepreneur who runs her own business. I respect my husband, but I have never submitted to him. Compromise, yes. Submit, never. My husband and I are and always have been a partnership, even when my career consisted of devoting myself solely to the care of our son and our home. We support one another to achieve our personal and joint goals. Our finances are held jointly as well as individually, and we work on our budgets together. We both have access to all of our funds, and are completely transparent with each other, except perhaps when it comes to gifts for one another. It’s how we got to where we are today, and it works.
As I said when I was interviewed by journalist Emily Brown, caring for others isn’t solely a feminine trait. I am constantly inspired by the way my husband’s generosity and the way he puts my needs and the needs of our family before his own. I do the same thing. In my opinion, that is what marriage is all about. Submission has never had any part in our marriage, it’s about supporting the growth of two individuals who make a great team.
Why The Tradwife Trend Worries Me
As a feminist, I believe every woman has the right to choose her own path, whatever that might be. However, the level of submission those who label themselves tradwives are embracing worries me.
In my article, Being a Housewife in The 21st Century, I stress that feminism is all about choice. So if submitting to their husbands on that level is the tradwives’ choice, then that is up to them. That said, I find it incredibly worrying – not just for them, but also for women as a whole.
Many women who label themselves tradwives today say they would like to keep things as they were back then. However, it has taken a very, very long time for women to get where we are today. Women are still working on shattering glass ceilings, equal pay for equal work, and being accepted on the same level as men are. We are getting close, but completely equal rights are still some way away, and despite some progress, misogyny is still an issue.
As Harriet Hall writes in The Independent, “Women are capable of being just as misogynistic as men.” Taking steps backward like the women of the tradwife trend are doing isn’t helpful. It has the potential to reawaken prejudice against women and undermines our equality.
There is no reason not to undertake a traditional role, but it seems such a waste to be defined by an outdated version of it – or indeed to be defined by it at all. Whether we work outside the home or in it, each woman has tremendous potential to achieve her best self. The last thing any of us need is more limiting beliefs to hold us back.
If being a submissive wife suits you and your beliefs, I suggest you proceed with caution. It has taken such a long time for women to make the progress we have towards equality. For the rest of us, let’s be very clear – being a housewife or stay at home mum and a tradwife are two very different things.
Being a Housewife in the 21st Century
Are You a Professional Housewife
Comments & Reviews
April, I so enjoyed this post. The #tradwife reports I’ve seen don’t give me cause for worry. They seem to be people who are interested in recreating life in another period and when that wears thin they’ll step back into modern life.
Thank you, Jean! I definitely hope that will be the case 🙂
No thanks. We’re veterans, former executives, professionals, physicians, and happily living our lives with or without your worry. Keep to your ways, we’re happy minding our own.
I didn’t even realize it was “a thing”. In 2020? Thanks for sharing. A strong post.
Thank you, Cynthia 🙂
April, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the tradwife. My marriage falls along the lines of yours, and my husband and I work as a team. However, if a decision has to be made then after much discussion I submit to Chris as according to biblical principles in a Christian marriage, he is under submission to God and as the man of the house, he is responsible for guiding and protecting us. I allow him to lead. That form of submission is fine with me. I do not in any way feel demeaned or controlled by submitting to a godly man who has both of our interests at heart. I so enjoyed your tolerance of other women’s choices considering you are a feminist. Many feminists are intolerant of women who choose to submit to their spouse. It was refreshing. Be blessed, Glenys
Thank you so much, Glenys! I totally understand what you mean, and I really appreciate your kind words. Be blessed, April
We reject the “modern housewife” idea because it led to feminism and the total destruction of dating, marriage, and family – creating divorce, mental illness, unhappiness, financial distress, etc. – so once you see that it’s halfway to the destruction, you realize that you want to go back to that era the “tradwife” movement is trying to restore
We are all entitled to our opinion, however I disagree with yours. I formally insist that you cease and desist cloaking your email address with my URL apriljharris.com. This is illegal. I have passed your IP address to my lawyers and they are tracing it so this abuse can be reported to your ISP, Charter Communications Inc.
This is what the vast majority men want. When we say go back to 1959? You mean a time when woman reported to have never been happier? A time when kids learned the value of family? When woman actually knew how to cook and knew what men wanted? Woman didn’t need to work a single day of their lives? Woman lived longer because their life was incredibly easy. 2qth century woman. Highest reports of depression in history. Shorter life spans. They can’t cook. No even for themselves which is why everyone is obese in the U.S. Most medicated people on the planet. High suicide rates. Just because time has gone by doesn’t mean we are making progress. You go ask a woman 50 yrsfrom now that had to work in Corp America for 70 yrs just to get SSI. No kids, no husband. They are all going to yell you
I made a mistake. Feminism lied to me.
I think the important thing in this context is not what men want, but rather what individual women – all of whom are very different – want and need. Women do not exist solely for the benefit of men.
Women may have been “reported” to have never been happier than in 1959, but what is reported is not always the truth. I can also tell you, having known and knowing many women from 1959 – indeed having been raised by one – that their life was definitely not “incredibly easy”. Most women worked very hard every day of their lives, despite not working outside the home.
Many women – and men – can cook these days, and kids still do learn the value of family. Also, life expectancy for both women and men is now higher than it was in 1959.
I heartily disagree with virtually everything in your comment, Bobby, however everyone is entitled to their opinion and I thank you for sharing yours.
Best wishes.
I remember housewives in the sixties, they were nearly all on antidepressants, sleeping pills and reading romance novels, romance seemed in short supply. Plus the husbands often took them for granted and were down the pub, not giving them enough money to run the house. What could the wife do? there was an imbalance of power which left her trapped if it became abusive. He had all the money. The height of excitement was a Tupperware party.
The modern tradwife movement is fuelled by unrealistic notions of yesteryear, which could leave them broke, homeless, or poor if he’s displeased/trades them in for a younger model.
I couldn’t agree more, Jacqui! It is a very concerning trend. Thank you so much for your comment.